


glue and glitter (but not glitter glue)

by anuk_ite



Series: The Snark Verse [6]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Rise of the Guardians (2012), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Percy and Hiccup pull pranks, The Author Regrets Nothing, the glitter they use is kind of obscene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 08:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4094005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anuk_ite/pseuds/anuk_ite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Percy grinned. “Okay. First we thin the glue out a little with the water – grab me a milk carton, will you? Yeah, thanks – and then we put glitter in it and shake it all up. Then we seal it.”</p>
<p>Hiccup looked at him, horrified. “You’re suggesting we replace all of our milk with glitter and Elmer’s glue?”</p>
<p>“Yes, that is exactly what I was suggesting.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	glue and glitter (but not glitter glue)

Hiccup doesn’t even _want_ to know where Percy found the dick glitter.

But Percy had told him to bring many, many bottles of Elmer’s glue, a large bucket of water, and as many milk cartons as he could muster. And Hiccup had complied, because honestly, getting stains from saltwater off of leather _sucked balls_.

So there Hiccup was, chilling in the kitchen with a massive bucket of water, so many empty milk cartons he couldn’t even _see_ the Avengers motto on the table ( _snark or be snarked at,_ it said, and Hiccup thought it was brilliant), and enough Elmer’s glue to last a kindergarten class at least three years.

Percy showed up to their midnight fete with so many jars of dick glitter Hiccup just.

Shut down.

“Okay, what are we doing?” Hiccup whisper-hissed, side-eying the great many jars of dick glitter.

Seriously. They were shaped like _dicks._

Percy grinned. “Okay. First we thin the glue out a little with the water – grab me a milk carton, will you? Yeah, thanks – and then we put glitter in it and shake it all up. Then we seal it.”

Hiccup looked at him, horrified. “You’re suggesting we replace all of our milk with dick glitter and Elmer’s glue?”

“Yes, that is _exactly_ what I was suggesting.”

“Oh gods, I love this plan.”

 

Percy was in charge of the water and glue. Hiccup poured dick glitter.

It took a while, filling all of the milk cartons with dick glitter (seriously, they had a whole fucking shelf of milk, who needed that much milk) and replacing the actual milk cartons with the pseudo-milk cartons.

Percy would have to chill in the kitchen, mostly to keep the water in the cartons circulating so that they didn’t all dry up overnight.

Hiccup yawned as they filled the last two containers. “This is gonna be awesome, man. Hold on, give me a second.” He slipped out of his chair and grabbed an old-fashioned camera, positioning it behind one of the fruit bowls (the one that nobody ever took fruit from, it was close enough to the sentient toaster that it scared people off).

He knew he had enough memory on his camera to keep filming throughout the night, so he turned it on, swept away all the evidence, and slipped off to bed.

 

Steve was the first to wake up.

Percy had stayed awake all night – through a combination of ADHD, blue Sour Patch Kids, and anticipation. Steve hadn’t questioned the demigod slumped over on the kitchen table.

He frowned at the milk cartons. None of them seemed to be open… so he grabbed a new carton and poured himself a glass of milk.

When he went to drink his milk, he swore and dropped his mug on the ground.

He took a closer look at the sparkles in his goopy milk. Were those – he glanced at Percy. He didn’t even want to _think_ about it.

Steve gently set his mug down and speed-walked to the nearest Starbucks. Their milk would probably not have obscene glitter in it.

 

Sam ended up _tasting_ the glue.

He’d woken up shortly after Steve, a habit left over from his days in the Air Force, and come down. Even though it was a force of habit, he didn’t like mornings; his eyes were still bleary and his pants were rumpled.

So he poured himself a mug of milk without thinking about it and took a sip.

And immediately did a spit-take.

“What the _hell_ is that?” he exclaimed, pawing at his tongue and grimacing.

And only then did he notice the dick sparkles.

“What the _hell are those?_ ”

 

Much of the rest of the Avengers reacted in the same way.

Natasha had _pulled a gun_ on the milk cartons, threatening them lowly in Russian.

Clint had sworn enough to make a sailor proud.

Bruce had skittered away, eyes wide behind his glasses, and nervously opted for tea.

Thor had taken it in stride, laughing wholeheartedly.

Tony had muttered _son of a bitch I’m gonna get you back_ before asking FRIDAY for a list of accomplices.

 

The rest of the boys had taken personal insult to the not-milk.

Peter had frowned into his cup and placed it in the sink, grabbing a whole jug of orange juice instead and just chugging that, all while wearing a face of disappointment and amusement.

Pietro had taken one look at the milk, shaken his head, and stalked off.

Jack had laughed about it, but demanded to know how they did it.

Hiccup had winked at Percy before opting for orange juice.

 

The next week, Percy and Hiccup found that all of the eggs they tried (read: forced) to cook were filled with garish red and gold glitter.

 

The week after that Tony had been helping Steve cut up some fruit, had grabbed a watermelon, chopped it in half, and had promptly gotten a mix of blue and dick glitter with some sort of basic adhesive all over his favorite ACDC shirt.

 

The week after that, Tony installed a small fan behind every light in the tower, programmed them to turn on whenever Hiccup or Percy entered the room, and put a small pile of glitter on top of each blade.

 

After Natasha couldn’t get the gold glitter out of her mission wear, they declared a truce.

 

(Not that the glitter wars actually stopped, but it was a nice sentiment.)


End file.
